


The Birds and the Bees

by CosmahCosmo



Series: Full House [3]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - No Powers, I'm Sorry, M/M, Science Bros, Science Husbands, Tony literally makes things 10x more awkward, the birds and the bees
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-11
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-26 00:24:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6216166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmahCosmo/pseuds/CosmahCosmo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce and Tony sit their son Peter down for a little talk...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Birds and the Bees

**Author's Note:**

> You might want to read other parts of the series to get some references but, you don't have to.

"You're at that age now Peter where you might be getting _urges_ and that's completely natur-" Tony started, once Peter had sat down across the table in front of Bruce and himself.

They had called their son down for what was supposedly a very important conversation. Peter could already tell it was going to be a nightmare.

"Dad, just stop. I take health class, I don't need this talk."

"Look we know this is uncomfortable. Hell, it's even uncomfortable for us," Tony said, gesturing at Bruce. "But we need to have this talk."

Peter groaned, slamming his head onto the table.

"Look what your Dad and I are trying to say is....Even though you and Wade are two men you still need to-" Bruce began to say.

"Wrap it before you tap it." Tony finished for him.

"Well, I was just going to say practice safe sex but, I guess that's one way to put it."

"I get it, just let me go now." Peter told them, starting to get up.

"Not so fast, we're not done."

Tony pointed back towards the chair, waiting for Peter to sit back down.

"Look kid, when I was your age and was just getting used to the whole college thing, I hooked up with _everyone_. I was like the town bike, everybody got a ride."

"I'm not in college." Peter pointed out to him.

"No but, you're still sixteen and you just need to be careful. The moral of that story was that you shouldn't be like how I was at the time. You should wait and if you do decide to have sex, use protection if you do."

"That's right." Bruce added. "STD's are not only uncomfortable but, they can also be deadly."

"I know, I know." Peter said, groaning.

"Take this seriously Peter. The last thing you want is a case of fire crotch." Tony told him.

"Wade and I aren't having sex!"

"Really because, after that comment he made before dinner the other day..."

"He was joking!"

"Peter we were going to have this talk with you soon anyways..." Bruce said.

"I get it okay. Save myself for the right person and when we have sex use a condom."

"Right. Don't let that affection give you an infection. Put some protection on your erectio-" Tony began before, he was cut off by Bruce.

"Okay, I think he gets the point Tone."

"Good, good." Tony nodded his head and smiled.

"Can I go now?" Peter asked.

"Yeah, go on." Bruce replied, getting up and walking over to the kettle to make himself some tea.

Peter quickly scrambled out of the room, his gaze avoiding his parents. Wade won't believe him when he tells him this.

"I think we did good." Tony told Bruce, walking over to him and hugging him from behind.

"Hopefully he listens. Wade seems nice but, I've just got this feeling he's going to be a bad influence."

"Well maybe Peter can straighten him out. Well not _straighten_ him out. Wade's a male cheerleader, that kid is straighter then a rainbow slinky."

Bruce chuckled and continued to steep his tea.

"That talks going to be even worse with the girls." Bruce pointed out.

"Don't even get me started. Rebecca is still fully convinced she has a boyfriend...The girls in kindergarten for Pete's sake!"

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, I suppose."

Bruce turned around and burrowed his face into he crook of Tonys neck, taking a deep breath.

After a few moments of just basking in his partners body heat, Bruce leaned his head up, capturing Tony's lips in his own.

When they pulled apart Tony grinned at him. "I'm pretty sure Peter will be hiding in his room until dinner, the twins are at Steve's, and Sophia's down for a nap....I think we might have some time to squeeze in some hanky pan-"

Tony paused, hearing the sounds of wailing bursting through their baby monitor.

"Well, she was sleeping." He sighed, walking towards the exit. He paused and turned towards Bruce, raising his eyebrows. "Rain check?"

"Maybe..." Bruce replied, smirking at him and taking a sip of his tea. 

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry for this. This is the shittiest thing I've ever written.


End file.
